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Pleasing I.T. Professionals

Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 4:56 am
by JayBird
How to Please Your I.T. Department

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 10:48 am
by evilmonkey
LOL. :lol: That's great...

Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 1:54 pm
by d3ad1ysp0rk
:D *takes notes*

Ok, thanks for the info, I'll be sure to remember it. ;)

Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 4:56 pm
by tim
bravo

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:32 am
by qads
lol, nice one :D

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 1:55 pm
by AngusL
Oh, how true....

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 4:13 pm
by Joe
Yeah thats pretty cool Bech. Was this taken from a book or did you create it all yourself?. :D

Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 1:01 pm
by ody
16. Feel free to interrupt our meetings with your home computer problems, nothings more important to us than your unrelated work problems during our fortnightly meeting.

17. If you see us deep in concentration at our terminal, feel free to ask "Are you busy?", when sat down at our terminals we are just waiting to listen to your problems.

Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 3:36 am
by AngusL
18. Feel free to send emails to everyone in the company telling them things you aren't qualified to talk about, especially when they're wrong. We love running around correcting everyone as they do what you've told them to.

19. If you get spam, feel free to forward it to us and write an angry email back to the spammer. After all, we love sorting through the undelivered spam and reading your adverts for medical products to enlarge various parts of your anatomy.

20. Viruses are pets to be loved and adored by all - if you get one, feel free to attach it to an email and send us it saying 'This was in my Inbox'. It's great fun having to run around stopping it.

21. Blissfully ignore what we tell you, we feel a strange desire to be forceful.

22. Printers aren't fast enough - pull the paper out when it's halfway printed then complain when your printer 'Prints messy'.

23. No, power is not required for computers, or any of their components - not even anything plugged into it. They all get their power magically from the ether.

24. Laptops that control boiler systems don't get hot - feel free to leave them running for a decade and complain when the poor thing dies of overwork.