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ode to feyd

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 12:23 am
by s.dot
I probably shouldn't do this, seeing as how I'm making a fool out of myself. But I thought this would be funny. This is a spoof of those chuck norris jokes going around. And a lame attempt to get a laugh out of our forum genius, feyd.

1. Prior to version 5.1 Feyd officially regarded his birthdate as January 01, 1970.

2. Feyd doesn't make parse errors, the PHP parser makes errors when parsing feyds (correct) code.

3. Object Oriented Pheyd.

4. Feyd never loses arguments with his wife. Instead, feyd knows that he never instantiated the object of the argument. Therefore, there's an error, and the argument never took place.

5. Once upon a time there was going to be a dual between Chuck Norris and Feyd. However, before it could begin, feyd programmed Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick himself in the face. Feyd wins.

6. Feyd sets his alarm clock using sleep(some_complex_function($feyd)). However he wakes up 7 microseconds before the alarm goes off and realizes he should've used usleep. Then he laughs because it's not U sleep, its I sleep. Oh, the irony.

7. Feyd invented PHP. In fact, in version 0.0.1 PHP stood for Pheyd Hates Perl.

8. Feyd talks in switch statements. Unlike other speech impediments such as lisps, this is a condition where ones mind procedurally processes data. IE: When ordering food at a restaurant feyd says "switch FOOD case "Hamburger" feyd not full, case "deluxe" feyd happy man. default deluxe.

9. I used to write "code". Now I write "code that could be insanely optimized by feyd".

10. Feyd's favorite pet is a boa constrictor. Not because they're insanely masculine and cool, but because constrictor sounds a lot like contstructor.



yeah... as you can tell, i ran out of ideas towards the end :-P

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 12:53 am
by matthijs
Haha, very cool :)

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 1:01 am
by feyd
haha, you got a laugh, congrats. The first good chuckle all day. :)

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 2:51 am
by RobertGonzalez
I love #5 and #6. Round-house kicks himself int he face. HA! And isleep(), usleep(). That totally reminds me of Feyd (and I don't know why).

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 3:11 am
by patrikG
Loved it! :lol:

You forgot
#11 Feyd doesn't post on PHPDN's phpBB board. He looks at the code for a split-second and phpBB posts for him out of fear he finds a bug.
#12 When feyd sits in front of a computer SQL statements optimise themselves out of respect.

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 3:19 am
by s.dot
patrikG wrote:Loved it! :lol:

You forgot
#11 Feyd doesn't post on PHPDN's phpBB board. He looks at the code for a split-second and phpBB posts for him out of fear he finds a bug.
#12 When feyd sits in front of a computer SQL statements optimise themselves out of respect.
:lol: those are way better than mine

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 3:23 am
by patrikG
scrotaye wrote::lol: those are way better than mine
no way, man, I've just copied your idea. Loved #1, #4 and #6 (still chuckling about #1 actually). :)

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:29 am
by Roja
13. Feyd has no fear of the number 13.
14. Feyd once made php itself run faster using only userspace code.
15. Feyd doesn't test new versions of PHP. New versions of PHP test themselves against Feyd.
16. The zend compiler tried to speed Feyd up once. Thats what caused the dinosaurs to disappear.
17. Feyd is going to go into politics. When he does, the other candidates will mysteriously drop out with parse errors.

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:32 am
by Chris Corbyn
:lol: Very amusing :lol:

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:35 am
by patrikG
:lol: :lol:
18. Feyd only ever uses hardware. Any software immediately turns into hardware when he looks at it.

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:48 am
by Grim...
19. When Feyd counts his fingers, he ends up with 9.

Okay, so that was a bit crap :(

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:50 am
by patrikG
20. Feyd can divide by 0

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:38 am
by Grim...
21. When Feyd paints his house, he uses GD.

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:41 am
by patrikG
22. Feyd uses db-wrappers for presents.

Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:45 am
by s.dot
Grim... wrote:19. When Feyd counts his fingers, he ends up with 9.

Okay, so that was a bit crap :(
:lol: that was great..
as were the others.

23. As the record currently stands, feyd will only persist until 2038. Then he will mysteriously dissappear.