Someone emailed this to me. I don't know who the author is to give credit to, but it is pretty funny...
According to the story, after every Quantas Airlines flight the pilots complete a 'gripe sheet' report, which conveys to the ground crew engineers any mechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight. The engineer reads the form, corrects the problem, then writes details of action taken on the lower section of the form for the pilot to review before the next flight. It is clear from the examples below that ground crew engineers have a keen sense of humor - these are supposedly real extracts from gripe forms completed by pilots with the solution responses by the engineers. Incidentally, Quantas has the best safety record of all the world's major airlines.
(1 = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(2 = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
1) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
2) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
1) Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
2) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
1) Something loose in cockpit.
2) Something tightened in cockpit.
1) Dead bugs on windshield.
2) Live bugs on back-order.
1) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
2) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
1) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
2) Evidence removed.
1) DME volume unbelievably loud.
2) DME volume set to more believable level.
1) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
2) That's what they're there for.
1) IFF inoperative.
2) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
1) Suspected crack in windshield.
2) Suspect you're right.
1) Number 3 engine missing.
2) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
1) Aircraft handles funny.
2) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
1) Target radar hums.
2) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
1) Mouse in cockpit.
2) Cat installed.
Pilots & Gripes - Something Funny
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I'm not so sure that completey authentic... 
My old man works for Air Canada and in his quarterly newsletter a while back I read something very similar...
Industry humor...I guess they need it...
A student pilot and instructor are practicing touch and go's when the student lines the aircraft up for final and a few minutes later completes his third landing with a thud and bang. Exasperated, the instructor waken's up and ask's the student pilot if they just landed or were shot down by enemy fighters.
That was one I read a while back...my dad thought it incredibly funny...
Westjet is known for being a relaxed company with their flight attendants making statements like:
After a rough landing:
Ladies and gentlemen at this time we would like to thank you for flying with Westjet. We request that you please remain seated until Captain Kangaroo has brought the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal gate...
Again my dad bust out in tears after reading that one...
Cheers
My old man works for Air Canada and in his quarterly newsletter a while back I read something very similar...
Industry humor...I guess they need it...
A student pilot and instructor are practicing touch and go's when the student lines the aircraft up for final and a few minutes later completes his third landing with a thud and bang. Exasperated, the instructor waken's up and ask's the student pilot if they just landed or were shot down by enemy fighters.
That was one I read a while back...my dad thought it incredibly funny...
Westjet is known for being a relaxed company with their flight attendants making statements like:
After a rough landing:
Ladies and gentlemen at this time we would like to thank you for flying with Westjet. We request that you please remain seated until Captain Kangaroo has brought the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal gate...
Again my dad bust out in tears after reading that one...
Cheers
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Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying Podunk Airlines.
This is your pilot Captain Smith and on behalf of myself and our copilot Captain Jones welcome.
We are presently at an altitude of...
click pause click 32,000 feet for our journey to...
click pause click Atlanta Georgia.
Those of you on the left side of the airplane will see a large metropolitan area below us.
If anyone recognizes that large metropolitan area please step up to the cockpit.
Thank you and enjoy the flight.
This is your pilot Captain Smith and on behalf of myself and our copilot Captain Jones welcome.
We are presently at an altitude of...
click pause click 32,000 feet for our journey to...
click pause click Atlanta Georgia.
Those of you on the left side of the airplane will see a large metropolitan area below us.
If anyone recognizes that large metropolitan area please step up to the cockpit.
Thank you and enjoy the flight.
- RobertGonzalez
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