Wanted: CODING GOD!

Ye' old general discussion board. Basically, for everything that isn't covered elsewhere. Come here to shoot the breeze, shoot your mouth off, or whatever suits your fancy.
This forum is not for asking programming related questions.

Moderator: General Moderators

User avatar
neophyte
DevNet Resident
Posts: 1537
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2004 4:58 pm
Location: Minnesota

Wanted: CODING GOD!

Post by neophyte »

No. This isn't a job posting.

I'm just wondering if any one here fits all of the following requirements:
Proficiency in common Web programming languages including: HTML, JavaScript, Perl, XML, .NET, and CSS. Familiarity and experience with advanced programming and design languages including: Flash, DHTML, Java, PHP, SQL, ASP, XSLT, .NET, and Visual Basic. Demonstrated proficiency with UNIX, Windows, and Macintosh server and workstation platforms. Familiarity with Web, FTP and email servers. A strong understanding of OAS, Omniture, and other Web tracking solutions a plus.
Yes that's the actual requirements for an actual job posting.

I've seen it before and you've probably seen it too. I'm just wondering do these people actually know what they want? Or do they like other non-coding types just want all their data problems solved. You know here are the real job requirements:
Wanted one coding wizard 18th level or higher to pass magic wand over yon servers and thus make all our data problems dissipate into the abyss.
The other thing I'm wondering is (aside from Feyd) who here can honestly say that they know all that stuff. I'm talking KNOW it like: no references needed.

Please discuss. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts....
User avatar
Benjamin
Site Administrator
Posts: 6935
Joined: Sun May 19, 2002 10:24 pm

Post by Benjamin »

HTML = yes
JavaScript = no
Perl = no but I can install them
XML = yes
.NET = no
CSS = yes
Flash = no
DHTML = yes
Java = wtf? no
PHP = yes
SQL = yes
ASP = you couldnt pay me enough
XSLT = what
.NET = didn't we already go over this?
Visual Basic = ummm why?
UNIX = sure I can chmod a file, install linux, apache, php and mysql, what else do you want?
Windows = yes
Macintosh server and workstation platforms = umm and how much do you want to pay me again?
Familiarity with Web, FTP and email servers = yeah I can check email, configure apache and ftp servers.
A strong understanding of OAS = ??
Omniture = ??
other Web tracking solutions = yeah I can write tracking software
Last edited by Benjamin on Mon Jun 19, 2006 7:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
feyd
Neighborhood Spidermoddy
Posts: 31559
Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2004 3:24 pm
Location: Bothell, Washington, USA

Post by feyd »

With the wish list like that, you're (they're) looking at a very large salary. Easily six figures.
User avatar
neophyte
DevNet Resident
Posts: 1537
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2004 4:58 pm
Location: Minnesota

Post by neophyte »

feyd wrote:With the wish list like that, you're (they're) looking at a very large salary. Easily six figures.
That's what I thought ... If they can find the "person."
qads
DevNet Resident
Posts: 1199
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 10:02 am
Location: Brisbane

Post by qads »

feyd wrote:With the wish list like that, you're (they're) looking at a very large salary. Easily six figures.
I wish that was the case with a local company ad, just like above give or take, with £35k/year.
User avatar
Weirdan
Moderator
Posts: 5978
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 6:13 pm
Location: Odessa, Ukraine

Post by Weirdan »

The list is not that impressive... I've seen worse :)
timvw
DevNet Master
Posts: 4897
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2004 11:11 pm
Location: Leuven, Belgium

Re: Wanted: CODING GOD!

Post by timvw »

I don't like jobads like these... Since ASP and .NET are frameworks and not programming languages i get the feeling that they don't know what they're talking about...

In my experience, most 'wishlists' are only an indication.. As soon as you're familiar with most of the items on the list they're already satisfied... And at the jobinterview just make sure to let them know that you're willing to learn the things you don't know yet...
User avatar
neophyte
DevNet Resident
Posts: 1537
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2004 4:58 pm
Location: Minnesota

Post by neophyte »

Weirdan wrote:The list is not that impressive... I've seen worse :)
Serious? I can imagine worse. After all they were missing C, C++, C#, fortran, cobol, python, ruby, assember and the binary language of load lifters. :)
User avatar
Weirdan
Moderator
Posts: 5978
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 6:13 pm
Location: Odessa, Ukraine

Post by Weirdan »

Look, after all, they only need a coder/admin. They could require you to be graphic artist, salesman, advertiser, copywriter, SEO, CEO, electronic engineer... the list goes on =)
User avatar
Chris Corbyn
Breakbeat Nuttzer
Posts: 13098
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Wanted: CODING GOD!

Post by Chris Corbyn »

HTML = proficient
JavaScript = proficient
Perl = Can write basic apps
XML = Proficient
.Net = No
CSS = Proficient
Flash = No
DHTML = Proficient (Javascript/Css ???)
PHP = Proficient
SQL = Proficient
ASP = No
XSLT = Basic
Visual Basic = Used it a few times
HTTP = Admin
FTP = Yes
E-Mail servers = Proficient
OAS = ????
Omniture = No

That list of requirement is pretty tough to meet for anybody, but I reckon there are a few people who would manage it if it was open to a wordlwide audience. I love the advertisments like that that say you must live in a certain location to apply.
GM
Forum Contributor
Posts: 365
Joined: Wed Apr 26, 2006 4:19 am
Location: Italy

Post by GM »

HTML = yup
JavaScript = yup
Perl = nope
XML = yup
.Net = nope
CSS = yup
Flash = nope
DHTML = yup
PHP = yup
SQL = yup - admin too
ASP = yup
XSLT = nope
Visual Basic = yup
HTTP = nope
FTP = nope
E-Mail servers = nope
OAS = nope
Omniture = nope

It's a hell of a skill set to have, and for the ones I've said "yup" too, my skills range between being quite well skilled (SQL) to being able to blag my way through a non-technical interview (XML) ...
User avatar
JayBird
Admin
Posts: 4524
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2003 7:02 am
Location: York, UK
Contact:

Post by JayBird »

HTML = Expert
JavaScript = Intermediate
Perl = Intermediate
XML = Beginner
.Net = No
CSS = Intermediate
Flash = Expert
DHTML = Intermediate
PHP = Expert
SQL = Expert
ASP = Beginner
XSLT = No
Visual Basic = Used a ouple of times
HTTP = Yes
FTP = Yes
E-Mail servers = Intermediate
OAS = huh?
Omniture = No
User avatar
Maugrim_The_Reaper
DevNet Master
Posts: 2704
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2004 5:43 am
Location: Ireland

Post by Maugrim_The_Reaper »

There's bound to be someone out there with all those skills. They'll be very expensive though. Silver Bullets are made of a precious metal...;)

HTML = Y
JavaScript = Y
Java = ? (Brushing Up)
Perl = Y
XML = N (Beginner)
.Net = N
CSS = Y (but my design skills are...well...crap)
Flash = N
DHTML = Y
PHP = Y
SQL = Y
ASP = Y
XSLT = N
Visual Basic = Y
HTTP = Y
FTP = Y
E-Mail servers = N
OAS = N
Omniture = N
Last edited by Maugrim_The_Reaper on Tue Jun 20, 2006 5:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
Grim...
DevNet Resident
Posts: 1445
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:32 am
Location: London, UK

Post by Grim... »

I can do them all except XSLT (what is that?), Mac server, Java and Omniture.
Some of them I can't do very well, but I can blag my way through an interview :)
User avatar
Chris Corbyn
Breakbeat Nuttzer
Posts: 13098
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:57 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Post by Chris Corbyn »

Grim... wrote:I can do them all except XSLT (what is that?),
It's a transformation language for turning XML with a DTD into HTML or XHTML. You can learn it in about half an hour if you play around with it. Very simply really. Pretty nice for cutting down the size of your markup if you use it on the client side.
Post Reply