Haha

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shiznatix
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Haha

Post by shiznatix »

So a mushroom walks into a bar and tries to order a drink but the bartender stops him and yells, "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind!". The mushroom replys, "Why not? I'm a fungi".
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Burrito
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Post by Burrito »

har har har
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RobertGonzalez
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Post by RobertGonzalez »

C'mon shiz, at least make it funny... Image
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shiznatix
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Post by shiznatix »

There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
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n00b Saibot
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Post by n00b Saibot »

what happened to your sense of humor? toasted?
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Chris Corbyn
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Post by Chris Corbyn »

Man walks into a bar with a meat and potato pie on his head.
Barman says "what can I get you sir?" with a strange look on his face...
I'll have a pint please says the geezer at the bar.
So the barman starts pulling his nice cold beer but can't take his eyes off the strange food item on the man's head.
Barman says "I don't want to sound rude, but why on earth have you got a meat and potato pie on your head?!"
Man replies "What do you mean?! I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on wednesdays!"
Barman finishes pouring his pint and responds "Fair enough... if that's what you do..."
Man finishes his pint and goes home for the night.

Next day the man is back at the bar with a meat and potato pie on his head.
Barman says "What can I get you sir?"
Pint please mate...
Barman stares oddly at the bloke while he pours his pint before coming out again with "Pardon my curiosity, but why do you have that pie on your head?"
Man says "What do you mean?! I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on wednesdays, I told you!"
Barman replies "That was yesterday sir. Today is thursday."
Man gets all flustered and a little embarassed before removing the pie from his head and saying "Bloody hell.... I must look like a right nonce!" and making a swift exit.

-------------------------

Man walks into a bar with his pet donkey and sits himself down.
"Eeyore" he says to the donkey. "Go and get a couple of drinks in will ya?"
Donkey wanders over to the bar and puts his front hooves on the bar.
Barman says "What can I get you?"
"I..I.. we.. we... we... we'll have two... p..p..p... pints please...."
"Ok" says the barman. "But do you mind if I ask? Why does he call you Eeyore?"
Donkey says "Ee.. ee... ee... ee... eeyore ways calls me that..."

------------------------

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife sits in bed reading a book.
"This is the pig I have sex with when you won't satisfy me!" says the man
His wife pauses from reading to look up and responds "I think you'll find that's a sheep!"
Man responds "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"
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Burrito
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Post by Burrito »

d11wtq wrote:Man walks into a bar with a meat and potato pie on his head.
Barman says "what can I get you sir?" with a strange look on his face...
I'll have a pint please says the geezer at the bar.
So the barman starts pulling his nice cold beer but can't take his eyes off the strange food item on the man's head.
Barman says "I don't want to sound rude, but why on earth have you got a meat and potato pie on your head?!"
Man replies "What do you mean?! I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on wednesdays!"
Barman finishes pouring his pint and responds "Fair enough... if that's what you do..."
Man finishes his pint and goes home for the night.

Next day the man is back at the bar with a meat and potato pie on his head.
Barman says "What can I get you sir?"
Pint please mate...
Barman stares oddly at the bloke while he pours his pint before coming out again with "Pardon my curiosity, but why do you have that pie on your head?"
Man says "What do you mean?! I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on wednesdays, I told you!"
Barman replies "That was yesterday sir. Today is thursday."
Man gets all flustered and a little embarassed before removing the pie from his head and saying "Bloody hell.... I must look like a right nonce!" and making a swift exit.
huh :?:
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Christopher
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Re: Haha

Post by Christopher »

So a string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink but the bartender stops him and yells, "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind!". The string goes outside and twists himself around, pulls one end apart, and then goes back into the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you that string that was in here a minute ago. The string replys, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
(#10850)
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Burrito
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Re: Haha

Post by Burrito »

arborint wrote:So a string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink but the bartender stops him and yells, "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind!". The string goes outside and twists himself around, pulls one end apart, and then goes back into the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you that string that was in here a minute ago. The string replys, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
wow!

:lol:
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Maugrim_The_Reaper
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Post by Maugrim_The_Reaper »

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the Shakespeare out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass."

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God"

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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Luke
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Re: Haha

Post by Luke »

arborint wrote:So a string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink but the bartender stops him and yells, "Get out of here, we don't serve your kind!". The string goes outside and twists himself around, pulls one end apart, and then goes back into the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you that string that was in here a minute ago. The string replys, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
Oh my god! I was going to do that one!! My brother tells me that joke every time he gets hammered... and he laughs hysterically every time. He also tells me this one (which you may appreciate)

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants... the bartender asks "Hey Pirate! What's the deal with the steering wheel??" The pirate says "ARRRR! It's drivin' me nuts!"
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Burrito
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Post by Burrito »

Maugrim_The_Reaper wrote:9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass."
tamavgd
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Christopher
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Re: Haha

Post by Christopher »

The Ninja Space Goat wrote:Oh my god! I was going to do that one!! My brother tells me that joke every time he gets hammered... and he laughs hysterically every time. He also tells me this one (which you may appreciate)
Me thinks yer brother be just my kind of rapscallion! When I get a bit o' the demon rum in me, I be tellin' both of them thar' jokes!
(#10850)
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Burrito
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Post by Burrito »

ok chime in I will:

<yoda_off>
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

First - The bartender is a blonde girl.
Second - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
Third - I'm a 6 feet tall, 275 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
Fourth - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter, and
Fifth - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister ... do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
</yoda_off>
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RobertGonzalez
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Post by RobertGonzalez »

It's like I'm working with a bunch of comedians...

Very funny comedians I might add...
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