Page 1 of 1

I wrote this poem a little while back. I call it "Eupho

Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 11:37 pm
by Luke
I wrote this poem and I was hoping somebody could give me some feedback and let me know what you think. I'm going to try and turn it into a song and my roommate and I will record it and then I'll probably post it on here for you guys to hear (he's a drummer, I'm trying to be a singer, and we have a guitarist). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Luke wrote: I am a feather at the mercy of a candid wind
yearning oblivion, I follow the path of those who lead
mind wandering back to a place where I feel at peace
knowing it will never come

euphoric is my naivety
euphoric is my complacency

I am a sheep on the path of a sheppard
seeking truth, I find only deceit
body dragged against my will
I must break free or find annihilation before enlightenment

euphoric is my naivety
euphoric is my complacency

I am not yet what I will become
picking up the pieces, I see the whole
soul not yet seen by others, let alone myself
I know this path leads somewhere

euphoric is my need to be seen

Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:33 am
by RobertGonzalez
It seems to convey a sense of hopeless and surrender to the inevitable dark fate of someone who has seen the end and accepted it, while, almost contradicting that same premise, displays signs of hope in the last stanza, as though all the feelings in the first two stanzas were panic and anxiety driven.

Is that what you were shooting for?

PS I am not saying it is bad. On the contrary, I think it has a sense of ambiguity to it that draws the reader into it a little deeper than the surface.

Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:05 am
by Luke
actually the whole thing was written in a state of hopelessness. Thank you for reading it.

Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:17 am
by Chris Corbyn
I read it and liked it but I'm no literature expert so I chose not to comment and embarrass myself :) :oops:

Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:23 am
by Luke
well thanks I'm glad you liked it. :)

Re: I wrote this poem a little while back. I call it "E

Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 2:52 pm
by jyhm
Luke wrote:I follow the path of those who lead
mind wandering back to a place where I feel at peace
knowing it will never come
Pretty nice but I don't understand this line. Kinda depressing though, but most prose is dark, alas! Do you like Haiku? That is my favorite form of poetry, you are limeted my so many syllables on three lines I think. Classical Haiku was describing a moment in nature, but you can start out with a simple Haiku and write a whole peom with a series of Haikus. I like the limitations because it forces you to create immediate imagery and get to the point which I think brings out a writters true abilities!

EDIT: I get the line now, I read "lead mind" as a continuous thought and not as two start/end thoughts.