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A Microsoft Christmas

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:11 am
by DaveTheAve
A Microsoft Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way

From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! Now, CLARIS! Now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,

As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
Have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night.

- Unknown

Thank god I use linux.

My christmas present is gonna be reinstalling Ubuntu with the ResierFS and KDE 4. :)

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:21 am
by feyd
Except KDE 4 isn't being released until January. :)

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:30 am
by DaveTheAve
Don't remind me. :roll:

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:06 pm
by Josh1billion
With all the Microsoft hate, allow me to throw in a quick "f--- PayPal."

:D

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 4:29 pm
by RobertGonzalez
@Dave, dude, cannot I post that on my blog in a couple of days? That rocks.

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 5:07 pm
by Maugrim_The_Reaper
Carmen Sandiego
My god, flashback to the 90s!!!

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 5:26 pm
by DaveTheAve
Everah wrote:@Dave, dude, cannot I post that on my blog in a couple of days? That rocks.
I'm not the author... So just put Unknown under it or google for the author i guess...

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:46 pm
by RobertGonzalez
Done and Done.

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:59 pm
by John Cartwright
DaveTheAve wrote:
Everah wrote:@Dave, dude, cannot I post that on my blog in a couple of days? That rocks.
I'm not the author... So just put Unknown under it or google for the author i guess...
Typically one will provide where he got it if proper bibliographical details aren't available. :wink:

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 9:59 am
by DaveTheAve
Peer emailed it to me; i'm known in school as the Computer Guru... and thanks to a big-mouth teacher a "hacker" as well.

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:29 am
by RobertGonzalez
A quick Google yields a lot of postings for that little poem. I am sure I can look around for an author and post credits as I find them. Until then, it is scheduled to post to my blog tomorrow.

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:37 pm
by Jonah Bron
Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhaha....

That's good

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:38 pm
by Jonah Bron
Soon, I shall escape the microsoft os forever...

Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 10:00 am
by DaveTheAve
PHPyoungster wrote:Soon, I shall escape the microsoft os forever...
Well you could be like me and install Kubuntu 7.10 with the ResierFS 4 filesystem on two 80gig Raid 0 SATA II hard drives with a 500gig SATA II storage drive while using Komodo or eclispe as a IDE and VirtualBox's "steamless windows" function to run Windows Apps "natively" in Linux.


lol, I sound like i'm marketing a product... but it's FREE!

Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2007 12:02 pm
by RobertGonzalez
And today only, with your purchase, you get a set of free Ginsu knives and a can of spray on hair!